i do need that time, though for naoko's face to appear. and as the years have passed, the time has grown longer. the sad truth is that what i could recall in five seconds all too soon needed ten, then thirty, then a full minute——like shadows lengthening at dusk. someday, i suppose, the shadows will be swallowed up in darkness. there is no way around it: my memory is growing ever more distant from the spot where naoko used to stand-ever more distant from the spot where my old self used to stand. and nothing but scenery, that view of the meadow in october, returns again and again to me 1ike a symbolic scene in a movie. each time it appears, it delivers a kick to some part of my mind. "wale up," it says. "i’m still here! wake up and think about it. think about why i'm still here." the kicking never hurt me. there's no pain at all. just a hollow sound that echoes with each kick. and even that is bound to fade one day. at the hamburg airport, though, the kicks were longer and harder than usual which is why i am writing this book: to think. to understand! it just happens to be the way i'm made. i have to write things down to feel i fully comprehend them.

 

　　但是，让直子的面影在我脑海中浮现出来，我总是需要一点时间。而且，随着岁月的流逝，所需的时间愈来愈长。这固然令人悲哀，但事实就是如此。起初5秒即可想起，渐次变成10秒、30秒、1分钟。它延长得那样迅速，竟同夕阳下的阴影一般，并将很快消融在冥冥夜色之中。哦，原来我的记忆正在同直子原来站立的位置步步远离，甚至逐渐远离自己一度站过的位置。而惟独风景，惟独那片10月草地的风景，宛如电影中的象征性镜头，在我的脑际反复推出。并且那风景执着地连连踢我的脑袋，说着："起来，我可还在这里哟！起来，起来想想，思考一下我为什么还在这里。"不过这种踢法一点也不痛，一脚踢来，只是发出空洞的声响。甚至这声响或迟或早也将杳然远逝。但是在这汉堡机场，它们踢得比往常更长久、更有力：起来，理解我！惟其如此，我才动笔写这篇文字。我必须形诸文字，才能弄得水落石出。