She was absolutely right. I knew better, yet in the moment that I’d heard the news, I fell prey to reactive thinking and over-simplification. Because it’s much easier to look at someone “up there” and envy what they’ve got than it is to ask the tougher questions:

她是绝对正确的。我其实知道，然而在听到消息的那一刻，我却成了反动思考和过于简单化的牺牲品。因为看到别人达到目标、嫉妒他们所取得的成功时，更容易做出这样的反应，而不是反问自己一些问题：

What do they have that I wish I had?

他们拥有什么我希望拥有的东西?

What do I admire about them? What are they modelling for me?

我羡慕他们身上的什么?他们给我做出了什么样的榜样?

What have they done to get where they are today?

为了今天的收获他们付出了什么?

How does this relate to my own values?

这点是如何与我自己的价值观相关的?

When we reflect on these questions, we shift immediately out of comparison mode and turn inwards, to face the heart of the matter: our own desires and fears.

当我们反思这些问题的时候，我们就会立即从攀比的模式当中切换回来，面对我们内心的问题：我们的渴望以及恐惧。

Transform comparison into celebration

将攀比转换成祝贺

Admiration and envy are responses that point us toward what we value most. And when we become aware of what we value, we are much better positioned to create a life that’s richly satisfying.

欣赏和嫉妒能够反应出我们最重视的是什么。然后当我们意识到我们重视什么的时候，我们会更好地创造完全令人满意的生活。

If you notice yourself admiring people who take creative risks, bring your full attention to the part of you that wants to dare more greatly. If you catch yourself envying the folks in your circles who are at ease with self-promotion, take some time to reflect on how you might share your triumphs in a way that feels totally YOU. Heck, if you’re obsessing over tennis players’ forearms, it could be a sign that you’re ready to revamp your fitness regime.

如果你发现你自己羡慕那些敢于创新冒险的人，那么就将你自己的全副注意力放到你希望自己表现的更勇敢的部分。如果你觉得自己嫉妒身边那些善于推销自己的人，那么就拿出一点时间来反思你会如何以一种完全属于自己的方式来分享你的成功。如果你沉溺于羡慕网球运动员强有力的手臂，这有可能表明你准备修改你的健身计划。

Use the Success of Others As a Mirror

将别人的成功当做一面镜子

Comparison can be a dark, stuck place, but only if you let it be. There’s gold to be found in your comparison habit, if you’re willing to look for it. The light we see in others can help us see our own – and appreciate it.

只有在你任由其发展的情况下，攀比才是阴暗、无法摆脱的。然而如果你愿意去关注它，攀比习惯还是有可取之处的。发现别人身上的光芒可以帮助我们认识自己，欣赏自己。

So the next time you catch yourself admiring or envying someone’s success, gifts, or particular brand of radiance，take a moment to consider:

因此，下次你再羡慕或者嫉妒别人的成功、礼物或者特定的名品时，想想以下问题：

What qualities in them inspire me?

他们身上的什么品质刺激了我?

Where do I currently embody these qualities?

目前我身上有这些品质吗?

How might my expression of these qualities differ from theirs?

我表现出这些品质会跟他们有如何的不同呢?

What can I learn from my desire to embody these qualities more fully?

我能从自己内心的渴望之中学到些什么来更全面地表现这些品质?